Today I bought another kid’s lunch. Other from my own, that is. And it’s not because the kid was in need or just because I was feeling super generous. I did it because my kid screwed up. She made a bad choice, today.
Mayhem was attending a sports camp this week, and at lunchtime today, the camp director came to get me (I was onsite) and explained that Mayhem and another little girl had not been getting along very well. Nothing serious, they just seemed to be butting heads earlier in the day. It happens. But at lunch, a bad choice was made. When the other little girl was turned around, Mayhem licked her finger and proceeded to swipe it across the little girl’s hamburger bun.
<Insert facepalming parent here>
Gross and disgusting, yes. But as a food allergy parent, I was also pretty horrified. Messing with anyone else’s food is simply not OK in my book, regardless of whether or not they have food allergies (this little girl did not, btw). The camp director quickly reassured me that it had been dealt with, and that a new lunch had been ordered for the other little girl.
But Keith and I knew that we needed to have a chat with Mayhem. She needed to know that what she did was wrong, and that she was going to apologize. So we sat her down and explained that she was going to have to take responsibility for her actions, and that no matter how much the other girl was aggravating her, there was no justifying her response. We also reminded her of the dangers that she faces, due to her food allergies, and that’s when it really sunk in for her. She was visibly upset and embarrassed that the food allergy issue hadn’t even crossed her mind.
As Mayhem’s coach came over to check on her, Mayhem’s eyes welled up with tears, and she apologized for what she’d done. The coach scooped her up in a hug and told Mayhem a story about a bad choice she made as a kid, and how we learn from our bad choices. We then talked about how bad choices don’t define who we are, but how we handle them, that says who we are as a person. Mayhem told her coach that she was going to go and apologize to the little girl, and her coach reassured her that even though it might not be easy, it would definitely be the right thing to do.
With that, Mayhem went to find the little girl, pulled her aside and apologized. The little girl accepted Mayhem’s apology, and by the end of the day, they were playing together like nothing had ever happened.
But something did happen today. Mayhem felt the sting and embarrassment of making a bad choice, but she also felt the relief that comes with accepting responsibility and expressing a sincere apology.
As for me, I’m just over here like, gahhhhhh – where did she ever get the idea to ‘lick’ someone else’s food?!?! Who even does that? And then I remind myself of the time I laid down in the middle of the street and let kids ride their bikes past me a fast as they could …
Bad choices don’t define us … it’s what we do after 
Ariana Grande licking a donut. That’s where. Lol. Maybe, maybe not. Ariana made a bad decision there but then last week she held a benefit concert for people that had been hurt at her concert. One bad decision does not define Grande. She’s not my personal taste of music but she’s human.
I thought of ariana too lol.
I’m completely on board with blaming Ariana
Excellent example!!!!
I was upset another girl picked up my burrito in 1st grade, cuz um germs. she denies it and the teacher was like “well one of you isn’t telling the truth so go figure it out and come tell me which one” um no, bad teacher! what the what?! so then ofc the girl wont budge so to get it over with I have to tell her I lied. I hate bad teachers and I’m glad mayhem has a great coach and amazing parents!!
That’s awful! And yes, def a bad teacher
When I read the part that said where did she get the idea to lick someone’s food….I did a facepalm. Then you, your sister and your brother flashed before my eyes
Shhhhhh! siblings are different
And my kid has NEVER seen me do that … so you must be implying that it’s an inherited trait 
When I was elementary school, I brought a plastic bag of dog food to school and presented it to a girl who had been mean to me. I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that she wasn’t very happy about this.
P.S. I promise I was a really good kid! Also, we are friends to this day.
I like your creative thinking!!!
So important for us to all make a few mistakes along the way, and learn from them! Glad you’re still friends 
A first grade girl did something similar to my daughter this year at school. They were dividing up a piece of candy and the little girl licked it so my daughter wouldn’t want it. As you can imagine, she was hurt. But the school didn’t do much about the incident. I’m sure the little girl has committed this crime again. It sounds like you have a supportive and mindful camp for Mayhem, which is so important and hard to find. And yes, what a learning experience for her. Good job!
We were on the opposite side this week of the bad choice. My little girl was called fat at summer camp and picked on by a few kids. I have no idea how their parents handled it (because they were told at pick up) but I’m hoping it’s how you all did. It’s a teachable moment. We, too, used our side as a teachable moment. We taught our daughter about forgiveness and grace. And we taught her that some times kids do and say mean things but they aren’t bad kids. They’re kids. It’s going to happen. It’s how you deal with it that makes you who you are.
Thank you for this blog post. While I was teaching my 5 year old about grace and forgiveness, all I wanted to do was find the kid and tell her what a horrible thing she did and how upset my daughter was. I forgot to tell myself to show some grace for the kid. Just because the kid said something ugly, doesn’t mean they’re a bad kid or come from a bad family. Thank you for that reminder.
You and Keith and all the adults involved handled this brilliantly. You are raising a strong girl who is demonstrating great character. Bad choices are part of learning and Mayhem is lucky to have wonderful parents to guide her on her journey. High five to you!
We need more parents like you in this world. Most adults do not assume responsibility for their poor choices!
What a great lesson for all of us to learn!
Good for her, mayhem is a sweetheart that other girl must have been a bitch. Sucks about the food allergy but you gotta respect kids who fight back against bitchy kids.
I love your bad choice, not bad kid and gentle and appropriate way of making her responsible for her actions. Job well done and I’m striving to implement this in our toddlers life. The two days of all day cranky is about to make me lose it tho.. #parentlife anyway thanks for sharing and the great example to those of us behind you
I love this post. I don’t have children yet (hope to have one day!) but this post reminded me, an adult, about how we make bad choice sometimes and should take responsibilities for what we did.
Plus, I absolutely love this statement, “We then talked about how bad choices don’t define who we are, but how we handle them, that says who we are as a person. “